


Karma Is A Bitch

by LananiA3O



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Characters are probably OOC, Gen, Graphic Violence, I literally don't give a fuck because I wrote this story to cheer people up, Jason has a puppy, Joker finally dies, Major character death - Freeform, No Continuity, References to past trauma, Swearing, crackfic, even more swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 11:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11622288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LananiA3O/pseuds/LananiA3O
Summary: When Jason and Damian stumble upon the Joker during patrol, old trauma and anger resurfaces. When the rest of the family arrives, chaos ensues.





	Karma Is A Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a good friend, dear co-worker and loyal reviewer of mine, who had a really crappy day at work today.  
> Aka, the AU where Jason has a puppy, everyone gets to beat up Joker, Joker finally dies and somehow the batfam world does not end because of it. What do you know, Bruce.
> 
> Please keep in mind that I don't normally read the comics and THIS IS A CRACKFIC. So please forgive me if continuity is non-existent and characters are occasionally OOC.
> 
> For more of my stuff, headcanons and randomramblings, feel free to check out my tumblr:  
> http://lananiscorner.tumblr.com/

Bruce was going to be pissed as fuck. Jason was sure of it. Sure, he wouldn’t kill him, but Jason did not even want to think of the alternatives. If he was being honest, he couldn’t think of them. Not when his mind was busy chasing a dozen other thoughts.

“Todd, I command you to cease this madness right now!”

 _This_ was problem number one. He gave one fleeting glance over his left shoulder to verify that the little murderous ball of red, yellow and green was still on his heels, before focusing on the mission once more. Bruce didn’t like Damian patrolling with Jason. _Probably scared I’m gonna corrupt the kid and get him back onto the murderous side of things_ , Jason thought as he chased the brown tail to the abandoned orphanage. Given the numerous death threats Ra’s al Ghul’s grandson had hurled at him over the last half hour, Jason wasn’t sure there was much there to corrupt.

The trail led through the locked back door of the abandoned orphanage, and the dog paced up and down in front of it, as if begging him to open the lock. Jason did a quick scan for security cams – nothing he could see – then grappled down to pat the young German Shepherd and Doberman mix affectionately, before telling her sit down. She complied with a quick flick of her tongue over his helmet and Jason smiled. _This_ was problem number two.

“Good girl, Toph! You did great. Now wait here and be quiet.”

“Todd, I can tolerate your self-aggrandizing theatrics and even your vitriolic relationship with Grayson and Drake, but I will not allow you to endanger an innocent animal by making her part of your patrol.”

Damian landed softly on top of the porch roof and tried to look as menacing as possible. Given that the kid clocked in at half of Jason’s weight when wet, Jason could only scoff at the sight.

“Don’t get your scaly panties in a bunch, demon spawn.” He patted the dog – _almost out of puppyhood_ , Jason thought sadly – with a smile before frowning at Robin once more. “I didn’t plan to take her on patrol. I was taking her for a walk.”

“In full gear?”

“It’s my first rule to always be prepared as fuck.”

“She’s blind in one eye.”

“Well, good thing she’s a dog then and not a human.” Jason shrugged. “Look, kid, I know you’re raising a zoo in the Batcave and I know you don’t like animal endangerment, but she picked up his trail all on her own and she decided to lead us here. Now I’m gonna go in there, kick some ass, and then I’m buying her the best treats ever. You gonna help me or not?”

The demon spawn seemed to mull that over for a minute, distrust and rising blood-lust clearly at war behind the cowl, before giving a deep sigh. “Fine. I shall assist you this once.”

“My excitement can barely be contained.”

He activated his silent tracker beacon before grappling up to a balcony on the second floor and climbing in through a badly secured window. The filters of his helmet showed that there were exactly six thugs in the building.

The two patrolling goons went down without a hitch, as he and Robin took them out simultaneously. That left three bodyguards. And _him_.

Jason’s blood was boiling as he watched the man who had once taken a crowbar to him, then blown him up in a rotten warehouse, fawn over two freshly opened crates filled with high-quality explosives. What Joker needed them for was anybody’s guess, but it wouldn’t matter. He would not get the chance to use them.

He took out the big, muscled guy first – hardly a challenge – while Damian went through the idiot with the green clown mask. The third thug ended up with a bullet in the shoulder before anyone had time to wonder where that had come from. Joker did not wonder, though. He reached for one of the crowbars and Jason was just about to duck to avoid the inevitable swing when the Clown Prince of Crime tripped and stumbled with a loud yelp that sounded something like a cross between a duck and a seal.

Under the helmet, Jason raised an eyebrow. Damian merely shrugged as he procured two batarangs from his utility belt and rammed them straight into Joker’s hands, pinning them to the ground just as securely as the bolas around his ankles pinned his legs together.

“Catwoman used these on me two weeks ago. I decided to learn how to use them so she could never have the advantage again.”

Jason nodded. “Smart thinking.” Then he reached for the crowbar. “Step back, kiddo. The clown and I have some unfinished business and we’re gonna start with his good friend, Ms. Crowbar.”

Joker grinned at him, that same disturbing, blood-thirsty grin as always, despite his precarious situation. “Awww, Red Hood! My favorite undead Robin! Last time failing to kill me wasn’t satisfying enough, wa—“

Another loud yelp escaped him as the crowbar connected for the first time. Jason raised his hand and brought the iron down again. And again. And again. And again. With each swing the memories came back and so did his rage. He used them to punctuate the bitter words that tore from his mouth.

“YOU! BEAT! ME! TO! DEATH! YOU! SACK! OF SHIT!!” Jason broke both his arms, removed the batarangs and brought Joker into a sitting position to line up the next swing with Joker’s still grinning face. “You had my own mom lure me into a warehouse so you could blow both of us up. This time, I’ll—“

“Desist, Todd!” Damian somehow managed to look utterly confused and quietly seething with anger at the same time. “Explain. I had always assumed that you had died because you had rushed foolishly into danger.”

“Well, you assumed wrong,” Jason lobbed back at him, still ready for his next swing. “But I guess I can blame B for that, too. Long story short, I went looking for my mom, she was working with this piece of crap, lured me into a trap and he blew both of us up. You happy now?”

Damian did not look happy. Jason watched with clenched teeth as the kid went over to one of the unboxed crates, picked up a second crowbar and promptly swung it at Joker’s face, knocking two teeth straight out of his smile. What followed left Jason blinking in bewilderment. If anyone had ever called him the angry bird of the family, they had not yet seen this little bundle of demon blood that kept swinging the crowbar as if it were the world’s ugliest sword, deliberately targeting all the spots, all the bones that _really_ hurt. He finished his furious assault with a kick into the white face, then turned to Jason once more.

“I apologize for my previous assessment of you, Todd. You were not a careless, impulsive imbecile. You were a foolish, naïve day dreamer.”

“Uhm...” What exactly was he supposed to say to that? “Thanks, I guess?”

“Oh, look at you two: two birds of a feather. I shoul—“

“You should shut the fuck up!”

Jason planted his boot in Joker’s face, then the crowbar. He was just about to draw back for another swing when a purple-edged batarang embedded itself firmly in Joker’s ribs. From the second-floor balcony, the grinning, cowl-hidden faces of Batgirl and Red Robin beamed down at him. Stephanie dropped down next to him, while Tim remained perched in the half-dark.

“So that’s him, huh?” She circled Joker slowly. “You know I’ve never seen him up close before...”

“Do you like what you’re seeing, toots?” Joker chuckled at her through a mouth full of blood and broken teeth. “Because I like what I’m see—“

“Zip it, you damn creep!” Her heel landed straight in his cheek, knocking out another tooth and leaving a temporary, circular dent in the flash. Suddenly, there was a fire in Stephanie’s eyes, and Jason could only stare on in wonder as she kicked him again and again until he was finally down. The string of insults coming from her mouth was both creative and impressive. “And this is for my big sis, you bastard!”

The heel came down on Joker’s spine with a sickening crunch, and Jason knew even without an x-ray that it was the precise spot Barb had been shot in. Joker howled in agony. Stephanie took a deep breath, dusted off her costume as if she had just crawled through a lumber mill, flicked back her golden locks, and put another happy smile on her face.

“I feel so much better now. Hey Red,” she craned her neck to look at the balcony and Jason followed her gaze only to find Tim snapping a picture with his phone. “Do you want to have a go at him, too?”

“Nah, thanks.” Tim grinned at her. “I’m having too much fun helping Oracle scramble his security system and live-tweeting this. #BootVSJoker and #BootIsWinning are currently trending. You’re doing great, guys!”

“You’re fucking kidding me.” Jason scowled. “Which fucked up part of you thinks it’s clever to share this on social media?”

“The same part that gets a kick out of following this guy who’s spinning all our tweets into one epic fanfic. Currently, he has Joker cheating on the crowbar with the boot heel. It’s hilarious.”

“It’s not hilarious!”

 _Dick Grayson’s_ entrance was utterly dramatic, of course. He came in through the skylight, doing some kind of triple roll in the air before landing graceful as a swan right next to their little group of murderous bats and birds. His face was pale with worry and frustration.

“Robin, you were supposed to wait by the church.”

“I wanted to stop Red Hood from engaging in an act of animal cruelty.”

“For the last time, it’s not cruel.” Jason tried his best to keep his own frustration out of his voice. “Toph is a big doggo now. She knows what she’s doing.”

“You named your dog, Toph?” Stephanie looked at him, puzzled. Jason nodded.

“She’s half-blind.”

“That’s so cute—“

“That’s not the point!”

“And you are not even supposed to be anywhere near this part of the city,” Dick interrupted Batgirl quickly. “Didn’t you and Red Robin have an important case to work on?”

Now it was Stephanie’s turn to scowl and her eyes screamed cold-blooded murder. “Duh, we’re not gonna ignore one of the family turning on their tracker beacon just because of some stupid case! We’ve got priorities.”

The look of guilt that hushed over Dick’s face was brief, but telling. Glass houses and all that. Jason watched his frown soften just a little.

“That doesn’t excuse torturing someone. Not even him.”

To their feet, Joker laughed, although the sound was wheezy and spoke of broken ribs and even more internal damage. Despite half his body being useless now, the clown still managed to turn just enough to smile up at Jason.

“See that, not-so-dead Robin? You die, you come back, and somehow they still think you’re not worth it. Guess Nightbrat here really is Batsy’s number one student.”

Jason’s fist tightened around the crowbar once more. He had just about raised his arm for one more swing when Nightwing, stupid, fucking Dick Grayson, put his own body in the way of the blow, raising both hands in that familiar ‘hey, hold on and think for a minute’ gesture.

“Red Hood, wait!” His voice sounded genuinely crushed. “Please, this isn’t right. Please let _me_ handle this.”

Joker laughed. “Yeah, let him handle it, kiddo! Nightfling here might even get me some ‘get well soon’ flowers once he’s put me behind bars.”

Dick shook his head with a rueful frown. Then all hell broke loose.

Jason had never seen Dick lose it before, but it was a sight to behold. Perhaps his escrima sticks didn’t pack as much of a punch as crowbars did, but he made up for it with sheer velocity and ferociousness. A steady stream of insults, accusations and rebuttals was flying from Dick’s mouth as he brought the black sticks down again and again. He finished with a fully switched on electric escrima stick to the same bit of the spine where Steph had kicked.

“Congratulations,” Batgirl bent over, inspected the wound, and gave Dick a quick quirky smirk. “It’s an electrical burn!”

Jason grinned and raised the crowbar once more.

“Enough!”

 _For the love of_ —He dropped the iron at last, even though he was temped to put it right into the cowled face staring at them from the back entrance of the orphanage, stoic and impassionate as always, although Jason knew disappointment and anger when he heard it. Especially from Bruce. He drew both his guns and aimed one at the Joker and one at the bat.

“What do you think you are doing?”

Jason was pretty sure the question had been aimed at him, but strangely enough, Tim was the first to answer. “Documenting this for posteriority. And blackmail.”

“Payback,” Steph added casually and without a shred of guilt.

Dick did not look so convinced. “I actually came here to keep you guys safe.”

“And I came here to end this motherfucker,” Jason concluded with a nod towards Joker. “Problem?”

“Jason, I cannot let you do that.”

Joker giggled. “Ohoo, here we go again. This is gonna be great!”

Jason kicked him in the teeth hard. “I hope you enjoyed that laugh. It will be your last.”

Bruce frowned. “This is wrong and you know it.”

“I’ll do it anyway,” Jason flicked the safety off. “And you know it.”

He was waiting for the inevitable. Any minute now, Bruce was gonna batclaw him, or throw a batarang, or do something else to try and save that miserable, fucking pile of evil garbage. This time, his bullets would be faster though.

“Stop.”

Her voice was soft and yet infinitely strong. Through the broken skylight, Blackbat dropped in like a pitch black snow flake, landing softly right in between Red Hood and Batman. Despite the mask covering pretty much all of her face, Jason could see the delicate muscles of her face work as she analyzed the crowd of siblings and the lone father in front of her.

She stepped up to Bruce first, putting a gentle hand on each of his armored lower arms. Despite her being so much smaller and lighter, Bruce bristled at the touch. “Stay. I handle.”

Next, she moved on to her siblings. The demon spawn moved out of her way and over to Bruce’s side with a quick ‘tsk’ and a sideways glance that proved even he could be freaked out if faced with the right enemy. Dick tried to argue, but backed off soon enough as she moved to repeat her earlier performance with Bruce with him. Stephanie merely grinned and nodded, before grabbing Dick by the hand and pulling him over to the others.

At last, Cassandra turned to Jason. She flicked her gaze back and forth between Jason’s mask and the porcelain face of the Joker.

“He is the one? He hurt you?”

“He _killed_ me.” Jason corrected. “He lured me into a trap using my mom as living bait and then killed us both.”

Cassandra stared at the man at her feet in utter silence. The Joker was not laughing anymore. Even his smile had dimmed into a tiny little wink. Blood covered his face, his chest... and, well, pretty much everything. Even at a conservative estimate, Jason could only assume he had more fractured bones in his body than whole ones. His legs were twitching and Jason frowned. Apparently Stephanie’s heels didn’t pack quite as much punch as a bullet. Pity.

“His legs still whole,” Cass stated as a matter of fact and all Jason could do was nod before she curled and twisted around Joker’s limbs, expertly sliding from one pressure hold to the next and snapping each bone with a quick twist. It was over within seconds. “Sloppy.” Cass got up, stretched out her own limbs and reached for the gun he still had pointed at Bruce. “Wrong target.”

Jason couldn’t help it. The slight chuckle came automatically. “Yeah, you’re right.”

He emptied both magazines into Joker’s head, reducing the formerly white face into a pulp of red in the process. When it was done, he reloaded his guns once more, holstered them, and cast a long, hard look at the dead monster to his feet.

Joker was dead. It was finally over. The monster who had been haunting his nights – and sometimes even his days – ever since Ethiopia – was finally gone. He would never hurt another soul again. Never corrupt another mother. Never kill another son. Joker was dead.

From his right, Bruce approached slowly with the rest of the family in tow. Stephanie stepped around Joker’s dead body gingerly, careful not to get any more blood on her boots, and took a stand to his left, while Cass guarded his right. From behind Dick and Bruce, a whirlwind of black and brown came running towards them, sniffing the carcass in curiosity. Bruce spared her all of half a second, before looking straight at him, straight through the helmet.

“Jason, you should not have killed him.”

“Someone had to.”

To his left, Toph had finished inspecting the dead thing. She barked once, as if to call bullshit on Bruce’s moral superiority, then turned around and promptly peed against the Joker’s lifeless remains. Jason laughed.

Bruce frowned. “But I think the dog has the right idea.” In the stunned second it took Jason to process that sentence, Bruce drew him into a tight hug. “I don’t approve. But I don’t blame you either.”

***

In the cold blue glow of the Clock Tower screens, Oracle smiled as she cut a copy of the last picture Tim had sent her to include only Joker’s body and posted it to one of her anonymous Twitter accounts. It became the most-clicked picture within seconds. The flood of cheering and appreciative comments that rolled in only a minute later warmed her heart, even as she cut the original once more to include only the group hug that had resulted from Bruce’s sudden admission of emotions and forwarded it to Alfred.

A minute later, while she was browsing the latest chapter of that story someone had written about the tweets – this time shipping Joker/ninja sticks – her phone blinked in excitement. Barbara grinned as she accepted the call.

“Good morning, Alfred.”

“Good morning, Miss Gordon.” She couldn’t remember the last time Alfred had sounded so hopeful, so... relieved. “May I assume that this picture is neither a staged moment frozen in time nor a very artful forgery?”

“You may,” Barbara gave another look at the picture herself. A group hug in the batfam. It was like a sparkly, pink unicorn in the middle of Metropolis. “This actually happened just three minutes ago. And if he had not needed someone to actually snap the picture, Tim would have been in there as well.”

Alfred seemed to mull that over for a bit. Barbara did not mind. It gave her a moment to relish the detailed description of how electricity spanked the ever-living daylights out of the man who had crippled her. A3O sure was a weird place sometimes.

“And may I ask what that odd blob of brown and red in the background is?”

“That is Jason’s puppy, Toph, peeing on Joker’s dead body.” The sentence sounded strange, but somehow also very much like universal justice and karma’s most epic bitch slap, even as she said it. Judging from the hint of amusement in Alfred’s voice, she was not alone.

“Please send all of them my regards and tell Master Jason that I commend both him and his canine companion on their excellent judgment in dealing with the Joker.” Alfred paused for a moment, then, with a spark of hope in his voice, added: “And please inform him that both he and the puppy are always welcome here at the manor.”

Barb cast another look at that beautiful image of perfection on her screen and smiled with a feeling of spiritual lightness that she had not felt in years.

“I certainly shall.”


End file.
